I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
either way he was missing a nipple.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
