What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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