Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
