On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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