youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
