i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My pussy is not your playground.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
