You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
