no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
