Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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