I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You need a sexual gate keeper
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
