why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
