non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
