It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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