I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
