Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just pee around me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
