Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
