i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
