On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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