Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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