yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
