I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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