I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
