note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
