Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
