He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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