smell my finger.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
