I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
