I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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