hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
