apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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