I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
