So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize