Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
