Where is the hickey?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
