I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
