he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
