I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
