Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
not ubering you a puppy
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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