people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My vagina is very pro this idea
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
