I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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