I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
