how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
