Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
