i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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