i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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