he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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