I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
