i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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