Do you still have your period?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize