Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I am available for nakedness
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
