This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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