I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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