Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
