Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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