dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it glows. i had to have it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
whose parrot is this?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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