the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I had to cum in my sink.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
