my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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