Apparently you make a good broom.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
