He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
