hotel room ftw
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
