i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Randomize
