i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
