I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize