Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
