The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
