Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You made out with two different species that night
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
