We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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