we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
