white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
