im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize