is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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