it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
