but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
