it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
