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I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
