just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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