Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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