Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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