Your mouth is God's brothel.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
