I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
