if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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