Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
