happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize