i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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