I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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