we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
cat food counts as protein by the way
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
