I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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