Yo dont text me then not text me
dude i'm inner monologue high
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
