About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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