I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
