My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
