Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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