I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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