YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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