so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize