ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
