break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
