I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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