he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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