so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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