think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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