...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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