Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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