I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
