On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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